"you have cancer" .... now what?

[Jo]

i have another dr. appointment next tuesday. as i plan for this, letting dh know so he can take off work, the old feelings resurface. what if they find something? do the problems i've had since the last visit mean anything? will he order another scan? i wonder sometimes, just how long these things creep back into play. do they ever really just go away so you don't think of them anymore?

[Jo]

my appointment went well. there was nothing new in exam, no visible sign of cancer.

[Jo]

there are things going on in my physical life. things are not the same pre cancer. when the dr. told me some things will change and quite possibly would never return to 'normal', meaning before the cancer, i was hoping with all i had the these things would, in time, return to 'normal'. i'm thinking at this time, this will not be the case.
after my last visit to the oncologist, i am believing this more and more and as time goes on, it only confirms things.

i chatted with my my bff the other day. she is a breast cancer survivor for 14 years now. 14 years! she is my hero when it comes to cancer survivorship.

[Jo]

i'm trying to take charge of what i eat. too often i make bad choices. not horrid in the grand scheme of things..... a starbucks here, a cold stone there.... but i do not want these indulgences to become habit. i still do low carb, i still stay away from sugar treats for the most part. this sugar can feed any cancer cells that still may be lurking, still might be unseen.

i'm wondering if the sugar industry should be sued. people sued the tobacco industry, why not the sugar industry?

[Jo]

interesting thing about sugar.......... another reason atkins and low carb are so great.

Cancer, above all other diseases, has countless secondary causes. But, even for cancer, there is only one prime cause. Summarized in a few words, the prime cause of cancer is the replacement of the respiration of oxygen in normal body cells by a fermentation of sugar.

http://www.angelfire.com/az/sthursto...cer_cells.html

[Jo]

i have an appointment coming up on friday with my radiology oncologist. the feelings about having cancer come flooding back during these times. it seems i just get done with one dr and i'm off to see another. i know in the grand scheme of things that i am much better off than alot of cancer survivors. my cancer was caught early, i don't have a history of cancer in my immediate family, my risk factors are relatively low, chance for reaccurance is low. but still, the thoughts of 'what if' come back every time i have an appointment.
this doctor is not my favorite. there were things he did during my radiation treatments that i did not like. it wasn't that he had a choice to do the procedure or not, i had to have the hdr, but another doctor did the same procedure on me and he was much gentler on me. my regular rad. oncologist was what i will say 'more agressive'. in a few words, he hurt me, physically. i remember the hurt, it lasted for days. after going through the diagnosis, surgery, recovery and radiation, the last thing i needed was to have a doctor that was not sensitive to my physical well being.

i guess what i am saying to any one looking in that will be going through the same thing, be pleased with your doctor. if you have the ability to shop around, do so. if you aren't tied down to using a particular person because of fianances, insurance, location, etc, then shop around. this is your body, it's your cancer, take charge.

[Jo]

on a happier note:

i'm approaching my 2 year cancer free anniversary. i've been looking for something to reward myself with. jewelry? i don't wear much of it. clothing? i saw some t-shirts that say CANCER SUCKS. actually thought of buying that as it's such a true statement but......
i saw other t's that say FIGHT LIKE A CHICK. i don't know, maybe i'm too old, not hip, out of touch but doesn't 'fight like a girl' mean girly-like, not strong, weakliness [a new word]?
i thought of maybe an ankle bracelet.

well, i will decide on something.

[Jo]

my appointment went fine. i have asked again about my bowel activity as it concerns the radiation i had. the dr. said this is normal, it should go back to normal with time. he didn't seem concerned at all that radiation ended 1.5 years ago. he said there is not blood however, it would be beneficial to have a colonoscopy done. every little thing makes my risk factor go up. things like tanning, eating sugar, lack of exercise, not having annual checkups no matter what is being checked, my cancer, the radiation are all things that lack of or prevention of makes a difference in the likelyhood of recurrence of my cancer or developement of another type of cancer.